It's working, It's working!

So Faith drags out her potty again today, and I figure, great..more pee to mop off the floor. She never uses the potty instead she lurks away and pee's somewhere else. Today was gloriously different. She plops herself down on the potty and says " this potty not working! " I told her she has to work to get the pee in the potty so what she does is starts squeezing till she is red in the face contorting her little lips around and clenching her fists. I then explain to her she is going to hurt herself that way. a few seconds later she says " It's working, It's working, the potty works!" I am skeptical of course but to my surprise she actually went pee, I'm so excited for her! Actually excited for myself, I have been changing diapers every day for the last 13 years, and 126 days and If I could have one less in diapers it would be a miracle. Hopefully, cross your fingers we are on to something here.

Don't get mad, Get even!

I will always remember being a freshman in high school, I had a boy come over to hang out and my mom comes in with her slight southern drawl and says " I catch you messin around girl, and I'll hunt you down like a dog and shoot you in the dirt!" Nice, real nice. These days, when dealing with an unruly teenager most folks like to use the bargaining chips they have which usually consist of high tech gadgets, grounding, no phone etc.. However, I have found an even better method of punishment, personal, and social annihilation. Ooohh yeahhh! The situation is this, my daughter was refusing to adhere to the dress code for which I set forth not obeying modesty rules for clothing and makeup is not tolerable for me, so when I learned that Haley had been ditching homework club after school I decided desperate times call for desperate humiliating measures. Since the only responsible thing to do in this situation would be to personally escort my daughter to homework club, I decided to educate my daughter on the importance of appearance and more importantly how ones appearance reflects on others. So as you have noticed by the pictures I decided to dress in a way that emulates my daughter, I also used my daughters makeup as an added insult. I should be embarrassed about my appearance, but I am not. I sit here giddy with anticipation at escorting my daughter to homework club later today. I plan on swaggering in with a big wad of gum in my mouth. " heeeey whats up giiirllls, check me out! yeah you know it I am alllll thaaaaat. Don't hate congratulate whoop whoop!" I will be sure to chicken neck while I am at it. If my daughter wants to give me attitude and not obey the rules that's fine, but payback is a biiiitch!

uuhhh not quite what I meant..

So I have always had the same lackadaisical approach to potty training for all my girls, which is..here is a potty, if you want to use it great, if not..great. Well all of my girls just one day woke up and never wore diapers again its been a real dream. Faith on the other hand has been wildly different. For instance, we call Faith the bathroom valet, she insists on escorting people to the bathroom, she insists on dispensing properly meted out portions of toilet paper, and then also insists on flushing. So whats the big hold up?

The other day, I was delighted when, for no apparent reason Faith was asking me to get her potty from the garage. I go and get her fancy baby Bjorn potty and dust it off and to my amazement she seats herself on it for a good half an hour. I get myself all in a dither and get her some underwear to wear I can barely contain myself I am so giddy! only about 5 minutes later she comes to me completely soaked in her pants..her little pink crocs filled with urine..Perfect! just what I like, I mean its not a big deal these things happen. So, I clean her up and get her a new pair of underwear only 10 minutes she comes to me with them filled with you know what..pooh! I mean, what the heck! So I decide that delicate poop filled underwear extraction isn't in the cards for me, I grab a pair of scissors and cut them off her, This time I tell her to just use the potty for crying out loud! Only 5 minutes later, she is sitting on her potty using the pot as a top hat! It was at this point that diapers were called for and now the baby Bjorn is now used as a stepping stool, a t.v. viewing seat, and a polly pocket swimming pool...neat huh?

God made her extra cute for a reason.

"please god, don't let me pinch her head off. She only does it because she delights in mischief, she is not evil, but good and kind and you made her extra cute for a reason, But I also see why in nature some mothers eat their young"

I said this prayer to myself when I had simply had enough of Faith's hi-jinks, her whole life Faith has been quite a character. Everyone adores Faith, if I believed in fairies I would have to believe she was one. She makes everyone smile, and everyone always gravitates towards Faith and no ONE is immune to this child's charm....but today..oh today, I nearly clipped this Fairies wings. So, it is my habit to let faith accompany me to the mail box each day to collect the mail, most days she invokes minor annoyance with her endless dilly dallying. But today, its raining and the child heads right out the door and into the woods behind my house, which brought on panic because there is quite a big stream that runs through, So I have to clomp on through the mud and leaves to collect my heathen. I advised faith I was angry and to get in the house right now! I even managed to wear my "for reals this time, I am mad!" face. She ran right in the house and I could see clearly she understood I was angry, I go to walk in the door behind her only to nearly knock myself unconscious because the little darling had locked me out of the house. Well, Now I was pissed! When I finally got in the house I let faith know that she was naughty and was going to have a timeout. Just as soon as I got some bread out of the fridge in the garage. When I got the bread, again I was met with being locked in the garage this time. It was this time that I prayed to heavenly father that Faith's head remain intact. And so Faith got her first ever 1 swat on the bottom. It hurt her feelings for sure, she isn't used to being reprimanded after all being the golden child and all. As I was saying, God made her extra cute for a reason I am sure of it!

The thrill of the chase..The I heart Haley saga begins..

Well I knew this was coming, I knew it the first time I laid eyes on my girl Haley. She was going to be tall and pretty, people had long asked "what will you do when she is a teenager?" I would always answer smugly in reply, " I can't wait, I love the thrill of the chase!" And so now that Haley is 13 the thrill of the chase has indeed begun. The following is a wonderful tale of a game of cat and mouse, or I should say mice.

I went to the store Thursday night and when I return, at approximately 7:45 pm, I see my husband pacing in front of the house, I think this is fairly odd. He informs me that some kids "ding dong ditched" our house and were now running on the trail behind our house which only has 2 exit points. Aaahh I think this is it..this is the chase I was referring to. I hop back into the car and proceed to drive down to the first exit point. I was shocked to see not 1 or 2, but about 12 boys running up the path. I get out of the car and run towards them, they took one look at me and turned around the lot of them running away.

me: "yeah you better run JACKASSSES!"

I run back to the car and continue to the only place left for them to come out of, either they come out this way, or they go back and face my husband. I drive down to the end of the street and there they all are. At this point they give up and several of the boys figured they were caught and came forward to take their lumps.

me: "why would you guys do that? I have a sign posted that says DO NOT RING THE DOORBELL, You woke my kid up and now you have pissed me off, why would you do that?"

filthy little boy#1: "well, we thought Haley might like a little joke"

me: "well then I guess it would have been a lot more funnier if Haley were actually HOME."

filthy little boy#2 : " oh she isn't home?"

me: "uuhh noooo, why? have you got a crush on Haley?"

filthy little boys #1-5: "no!"

Filthy little boys #6-12: "yes!"

it's at this point that I vomit a little in my mouth.

Me: "well listen dudes, if you're going to do crap like that then you had better make damn sure you are both faster AND smarter than ME!"

I then pull away, leaving these little vermin to stand there staring like deer in headlights. Tee Hee! I am accomplishing my mission to earn a reputation of "Haley's psycho mother"

Team Ghetto Momma: 1 Team Vermin: 0

I heart Payge chronicles and lets add a rancid ham too.

UGH! so anyway, I'm sitting on my back patio Thursday morning, minding my OWN business watching faith play, when Kit Kat (our cat) goes streaking by with a chipmunk..let me pause there and just say that if ever there were a time where I could go back in time this would be it. Anyway, I of course go snatch the chipmunk from the hairy jaws of death and also I snatch up Kit Kat who is now desperately tyring to retrieve her trophy, so here I am with a cat in one fist and a friggen chipmunk in the other, and faith just staring at me like I have finally lost it. I throw the cat in the house and I place the chipmunk (whom I'm sure is ever so thankful of its dramatic rescue) on the edge of the lawn next to the woods and figure it a good deed done..not so much. fast forward to me standing out in front of the house waiting for the girls to get home from school when I spy Kit Kat batting at something on the side of the house, I felt bile in my mouth I mean what does this confounded cat have now?? its always a mouse, chipmunk, birds. shrews, and even several baby bunnies. Don't worry I am taking her in to be evaluated because obviously some rif raf neighborhood cat has obviously gotten her involved in some kind of psychotic satanic ritualistic killings. So I was indeed surprised to see that it was the same darn chipmunk, I figured it must be injured and then I get the bright idea about what a wonderful way to teach the kids about nature, kindness blah..blah...blah. So I confiscate the goods once again and put it in a plastic bin with a heavy duty lid, we feed it, put all the things that chipmunks need to be happy, I realized quickly what a dreadful mistake I had made as I soon discovered the extent of this poor creatures injuries by this time the chipmunk had acquired the name of "I heart payge" for my beloved friend's daughter whom I adore. I heart payge could only run frantically in a circle, it would run and run all in a small circle until it got dizzy and fell on its side and kicked her little tiny paws, charming eh? I kept a vigil thinking I was saving this poor thing all weekend long, faithfully cleaned out her bin twice daily, put her in the empty kiddie pool to see how she was, let her wash up get exercise (albeit in a circle) and then today happened. I suddenly was sick of this stinky little rodent, I had nothing but hatred for this thing..so I lock up the cats and once again place I heart Payge by the woods and forget about it. I go put a nice ham in the crock pot and enjoy the liberation I feel to be free of a special needs rodent. The cats were kept in all day until dinner time I let them out, right about the same time I start to smell a putrid, horrible smell that rivaled a dirty diaper that faith once stuffed under the bathroom sink (for weeks) I realize that my wonderful, tatsty ham was rancid! this is what I get for trying to look out for god's creatures although I realize that's a bit of an oxymoron considering I was fixing to eat one of god's creatures. Anyway since I had nothing else besides 50 cans of tomato soup (shudder) I fed the kids cookie crisp cereal..not my finest moment but any mother who says she hasn't fed her kids cereal for dinner is a bold face LIAR! So I go to take the crock pot with the rancid ham out to the backyard, its like the groundhog day movie except with a chipmunk, so Kit Kat once again goes streaking by with the hapless rodent and once again I am forced to intervene this time because of the faces of my horrified girls in the window with cookie crisp dribbling out of their shocked little mouths. So now here I am again as I type this with I heart payge still hanging on. I have decided to do the right, and sensible thing and take it to the magnus tree farm and set it free, that way I don't have to watch it die on my lawn. And I can honestly say I will never mess with nature again...EVER!

Be careful what you ask for!

All day long today starting at 6:30 am, I was hit repeatedly with a barrage of questions from Camryn, my 5 year old. Such as..

Camryn: "Is it time for me to get dressed to go meet my teacher?"

Me: "No, not until after lunch"

Camryn: "can I bring my teacher a present?"

Me: "no, maybe an apple on the first day"

Camryn : "is it time to get dressed yet?"

me: "not until after lunch"

Camryn: "can you make lunch then?"

Me: "no, its only 8:42 am"..and so on it went like that.

As Camryn and I walked to the school, her backpack larger than she is just about. She was so excited, my feet suddenly became much heavier than usual, you see, her older sisters, morgan, molly and kaitlyn didn't want me to come to their classes this year on the first day, I acknowledged their need to feel like big girls but really my crusty blackened heart was breaking, which prompted me to pray silently while walking to the school it went like this:

"please god, don't let camryn push me out too please let her goodbye hug linger, let her grip be just a little tight, and please if you can manage squeeze a tear or two that would be good too."

We get into the classroom and Camryn whom practised exactly what she wanted to say to the teacher suddenly became oddly mute..um ok..a little shy not usually cam's thing but ok its possible..we proceed to unload all the supplies and she gets right to cutting the bear and gluing it together, I survey the room pleased to see that camryn cuts, and writes her name better than at least half the class. Well this is it..the moment I dreaded for weeks..This is where she tells me to get lost and that I'M cramping her style..Instead she goes into total melt down mode, and when Camryn throws a tantrum she is committed there is no talking her out of it, the teacher told me to just leave..I was embarrassed at the tissy she was causing, and my heart broken that she thought I was abandoning her. All the way across the school that little girls screams could be heard, and so they (and I mean they, it took two apparently) to take her to the office after she slapped the teacher where she wedged herself in between a bookshelf and a wall and cried and refused to come out. I was MORTIFIED!

"please God, I know what I asked for, but please let her stop..let her go back and sit in her seat I will do anything, God! For instance, I will stop flipping people off in traffic, I wont make fun of people anymore, just please..please make her stop crying!"

so needless to say I with a very bleary eyed Camryn drudged on home early. I, not knowing what to say, Camryn informed me however, that she will not be returning to school, she hates her teacher and will be staying home eating donuts with me. ( I don't know where the donut thing came from, like I sit around eating donuts...) Any suggestions ladies?? This has never happened to me before. And good luck to the rest of you!

My Father

My father, say you love me
My father, say you care
My father, you made my temper flare
My father, you made me cry
My father, I never wanted to say good bye
My father, you make me sigh
My father, have I not put you on high?
You love me
You hate me
Which is it? ? ?
I want a hug I want to feel that your near
Your voice I want to hear
Father, your message isn't all that clear

Today it rained

This morning it rained, my children still in bed.
Thoughts of sorrow fill my head.
lord, I stood there in the rain,
my face turned toward you my heart filled with pain.
I placed my hands above,
please God, Fill me with your love.
I let the cold run down my face,
for your grace my soul finds a place.

forgiveness

In this place of my forgiveness Here my soul has found a home In this hour of my deliverance No enemies I own
In this place of my forgiveness I shall ride the Glory Train I am eager, ever waiting I shall be at peace again
Take these chains I've forged in anger Let them bind no more again Take this darkness it doth blind me Let kindness now begin
Mighty is the sword of vengeance Justly must its might prevail Infinite is God's own mercy When my mercy fails
Fear, I shall not give you refuge For you would rob me of my sight You would leave my soul to anguish In eternal night
In this place of my forgiveness Here my soul has found a home In this hour of my deliverance His Kingdom shall I own

Descent into madness: A tale of post-partum

It would appear that I have a mild case of post partum depression. I say mild because I was also afflicted with this after my 4th daughter and very narrowly survived the ordeal but not before my husband and I both lost our jobs, needless to say it was some very dark times. What never ceases to amaze me about this disease is that your are seemingly fine one minute and a homicidal maniac the next. Below is a prime example. The scene is I just get on the phone with my mother with whom I have not spoken to for a couple weeks. The temperature is nearing 100. At this time I wish to thank heavenly father for Central air. Anyway here is the story.

me: "Hi mom, you called?" Kaitlyn comes running in with friend.

Kaitlyn: "Mom! There is two solicitations at the door." Solicitations?? This can't be good.

me: "ugh gimme a break" I walk to the front door which these two lug heads are now fanning and letting in the hot air.

me: "are you two selling something? Because I'm busy"

solicitor #1: "well we can wait for you to finish your phone call"

me: "OK, well I'm busy but thanks anyway"

Solicitor #1: "well we need to tell you about this and what all your neighbors aye saying"

me: "I could care less about what my neighbors are saying, I am busy" at this point I'm still relatively calm

solicitor #1: "well just finish your call, we'll wait" And then it happened, out of nowhere I totally lost it.

me: "I SAID I'M EFFING BUSY!! GO AWAY!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? TAKE AN EFFING HINT!" And then I slammed the door but not before I caught a glimpse of Kaitlyn and friend's astonished faces. Crimony! Why is there ALWAYS a witness to my bad behavior?

me: "sorry ladies that was a bit of a slip on my behalf, never act like me!! never!"

What is with these solicitors? Do they have a death wish. Pay attention you nasty bottom feeders, I don't want a demonstration of your crappy Kirby vacuum, NO I would not like to see how amazing your miracle cleaner is, and NO i wont purchase your magazines so that you may go to college, I didn't go to college and look how FINE and PROSPEROUS I am!

It makes your butt look big because it IS

Ok, so Im sitting in relief society on Sunday..in the back by myself as usual feeling like a loser because no one ever sits by me, or talks to me for that matter, yes its a two way street blah..blah..all I can hope for at this moment is that grace wakes up and starts howling thus making it necessary for me to leave is it ok to purposely pinch babies in order to get up? Anyway Polly mentions an exercise class on Mondays and Wednesdays and I think that might be cool I used to love going to the ymca to workout, but that was before when I had a job and since I have down syndrome and cant find regular employment, I cannot afford YMCA. So I think this will be perfect and since my wardrobe is mainly compiled of workout outfits I can show up in style. So imagine my glee to go home and pull out all my fancy outfits and systematically try them on. Only to find that the outfits have a severe design flaw, they all make my butt look big, and some even accentuate the cellulite. How can this be?? How have I not noticed this. So clearly I had to lose weight so I can fit the outfits, but how to do you lose weight if you cant wear the outfits? So I have to find away to lose weight to be small enough to wear the outfits so I can wear them to lose weight? Obviously I need to go ponder my dilemma which I will do so while eating another sundae nut cone.

Will work for food...

So I went to a job interview yesterday, and I concluded that Its been longer than I thought since I last worked a real job, or interviewed for one for that matter. I should have known it wasn't going to go very well when I couldn't find my other shoe, thus forcing me to wear heels and of course I'm one of those people that when they wear heels clomps around in them like a transvestite. I show up for the interview and things seem to go OK until she asks me if i could pass a typing test..uh oh..it went something like this :

her: "Could you pass a typing test and achieve at least 30 wpm?"

me: " um well I failed two semesters of typing in high school, but not to worry I believe I type at least 50 wpm, I am a very fast hunt and pecker"

Oh crap, I think you should prolly refrain from ever using the word "pecker" in a job interview.

me: " I probably shouldn't say the word pecker in an interview" crimony..I made things worse I think.

her: " You are very charming"

oh dear she called me charming, in a way that someone would tell a person that has down syndrome "charming"

me: "You think I have down syndrome, don't you?" Oh man why do I keep blurting out inappropriate things..whats wrong with me?!?

her: "no, you're very funny"

me: "yeah I get that alot"

So, then she says that she would like to get a copy of my resume emailed to her so she has one in the system in addition to the hard copy I gave her, she hands me her business card. I rush home thinking oohh yeahhh im going to impress her alright I will email that resume right now and really show her how on top things I am. I email her and thank her again for her time, and consideration oh and here is the copy of my resume you requested. 24 minutes later, to my delight she sends and email back. oh goodie! I think, I bet she was impressed! the email is as follows.

"hello Magan, it looks like you forgot to attache a copy of your resume, could you send it again? Thanks, Amy" Of course I didn't attache the resume, I have down syndrome. I guess its back to the drawing board for me. Good one Megster....real good.

Feelings

So in an effort to bridge the gap between my oldest daughter and I, I decided to go back to my counseling appointments. Apparently because of my troubled childhood I am not able to connect with my daughter in a very productive way, she is and has been very difficult to deal with, but that is perhaps another blog for another day. I am very apprehensive about counseling, whilst I am open to someone analyzing me, and giving me suggestions and what not. I HATE talking about the things that occurred in my childhood I guess I fail to see why any of that is pertinent I mean aren't people always saying whats in the past is in the past? If I am to be honest I guess I don't like to cry, I despise any shows of what i deem to be weakness, I hate crying in front of people and rarely do. I find re-hashing old hurts to be tedious and rather pointless. But I'm desperate to be able to connect with my daughter and I'M willing to do anything it takes, so why is this so hard? because I know deep down that confronting these issues brings to the surface something I prefer to keep deeply buried, The fact that I was supposed to be someones precious baby, someone was supposed to love me more than anything in this world and well...they didn't.

This just in..

In a bizarre turn of events this afternoon, a seemingly quiet neighborhood was turned into a scene of an emotional confrontation when an Ice cream truck rolled threw to the delight of many youngsters. Magan Boyle age 32, Mother to 7 young girls dragged an unassuming ice cream man from his truck and proceeded to assault him viciously beating the man about the head with his own ice cream bars. The mother, evidently fed up with the man's hideous blaring music, and also by his propensity to only drive by on the days when she had no cash thus turning her little darlings into heaving, bulgy eyed maniacs. The mother was forced to endure tales of how the other kids in the neighborhood got a giant Mr. freeze, and they "NEEVVEERRRR get ANYthing!" The children were forced to watch in horror as the mother when finished savagely beating the man began to binge eat all of his sundae nut cones, citing she says because of his over priced frozen treats. More on this disturbing story to be featured on this evenings news.

You know you're due for a bath when..

1. You take off your bra and find a weeks worth of peanut debris from your latest addiction to sundae nut cones come raining down on your toes.

2. Secret deodorant strong enough for a man...cuz well, now you smell like one.

3. Your 2 year old hugs you around the legs and mistakes you for daddy because you have an old growth Forrest on them.

4. That fancy women's razor you spent a fortune on is now rusted to the floor of your shower.

5. You're just now noticing the family of crows living in the back of your head.

6. You now require a crowbar to remove undergarments.

food rules

So, my husband and I go out for dinner last friday, and we decide to go to the hometown buffet. We had limited time so we thought that would be quicker, turns out not so quick as I was enamored by the odd, and the down right gruesome eating habits of others. First off, I don't understand that if you can go back as many times as you want, why do people pile on mounds and mounds of food on to one plate, this severely compromises the integrity of each item of food. Then, there was the guy that had an ice cream cone in one hand and a slab of beef in the other alternating bites. It was all I could do to not give these people some much needed counseling regarding eating habits, and even eating hygiene. And then you have the "moppers" the people that use the bread to mop their entire plate clean of any food, only to use the same plate for yet more food. NEWSFLASH! you can get a whole new, clean plate. I came to the conclusion through my observation, that I should probably steer clear of buffets of all kind.

Best $2563.43 cents I EVER spent!

They said I couldn't have you, They said I shouldn't have you. Others just laughed at my sheer lunacy, some said I was selfish, While all these analogies are technically true, I don't care because while many laughed at me, I look at you and I'm laughing, I laugh I cry, I feel overwhelmed by the gratitude I feel to god for allowing one more miracle when against all odds you were given to me. I pray not one day goes by without you and your sisters knowing how loved you are and lucky I feel. I love you little Gracie. So I would say to everyone if you have a dream, go for it. Don't care what other people might think, I look at her and I think If I let one person's opinion change my mind..well you know..

She knows who she is.

I have no choice but to love you, I try not to because I know you can't Love me as much I ache for you to. You make me laugh you make me cry. I sit and stare at the phone hoping you might call, wondering if your ok, worrying that you are sad, are you fed? Is your soul? Are you thinking about me too? I want to turn and walk away, turn my back to you before its too late and I am crushed by your inability to cleave unto me and love me back but I am crippled by my love and compassion for you too crippled to run the other way. I am just going to love you anyway weather you care or not. You're stuck with me, and I have to believe that someday you're going to love me back. Well not to worry my dear I'M going to be here waiting for you, until then you're in my prayers. I love you.

I love her..

Name : Faith Emerson Boyle

Age: 2yrs 9mos

Likes: processed meats of all varieties, particulary bologna,

rolling around naked in fruity pebbles,

Hannah Montana music, Max and Ruby.

Dislikes: sleeping, people sitting in HER chair

having her hair brushed, having her

Kee-Kee washed(blanket)

She is funny, she is exasperating, she exhausts me to no end, compulsive and particular, Honestly I get depressed when she goes to bed as at my very worst and sleep deprived I can count on her to give me a chuckle. Everyone should have one.

It's going to be one of THOSE days...

Ugh, I have been up since 5:30 this morning with the baby, its now 9:17 am and I have all my chores done, I'm so tired I would give anything to just go back to bed, I have spit up in my hair, Faith has already put away 2 hot dogs this morning she has chewed up pieces of hot dog in her hair and she smells like them too. Who eats hot dogs first thing in the morning anyway? And my 5 year old's over developed optimism, and genuine good cheer only make me more cranky, If only I could bottle up a 5 year old's enthusiasm for each day and sell it I would be rich, But while I am technically poor, I am rich in toothless grins, hot dog residue kisses, warm newborn breaths on my neck, perhaps I could muster up some of this optimism and good cheer after all...

Momma is going to the Pokey!

Ok, so anyway I here is the situation, Friday evening I decide to go to the store for the ever anticipated people magazine that comes out every friday, unfortunately this is what I have been reduced to. Gone are the days of running around all weekend with my friends, I dont go to movies, there are no dinner dates anymore all I have left is the friday quiet evening after I get my numerous children off to bed I relax with my People. But anyway, IM driving down sherwood blvd, sherwood oregon the scenario is this, 3 way stop at 3rd and pine these greasy meth-head looking outfit in a beat up old truck decide they don't have to wait their turn, they nearly plow into me, so I honk my horn to let them know I am presently in the middle of the street. They proceed to tailgate me all up sherwood blvd. Well, taking the rare opportunity I have of no children with me I decide to give the scary meth head people a nice good Ole fashion brake-check, They nearly drill me, scares the woman...this is what slays me they proceed to follow me all over sherwood waiting for me to stop so that they may accost me, Thinking to myself perhaps I didn't think this threw completely, I did just have my 7th baby, my 3rd C-section just 3 weeks before, perhaps I don't need to be in a brawl with scary people, apparently this couple with room temperature I.Q. decide that since I have a National Rifle Association sticker on my back window, that perhaps I could be "packing heat" Never mind I look like some kind of soccer mom in my mini-van or I would be a soccer mom if I weren't too lazy, but anyway, they decide to quit following me but rather call the police on me. The police pay me a visit when I am back home sitting in my chair feeding the baby, there is a knock at the door, my husband comes in..hhmmm he doesn't look very amused by his wife's hi jinks, go figure!

Billy: "The door is for you"

Me: "Oh the nerve!"

Officer: eyeballing me surrounded by my many female children, "may I speak to you out here for a minute?"

Me: "But of course" I shut the door behind me.

Molly: (my seven year old) "daddy? Why are the police talking to momma?"

Morgan: (my 8 year old with an overactive imagination, and the girl in the picture) " It's OBVIOUS! Mom's getting Arrested!

Billy: "No she isn't, they are just talking"

Morgan: "I bet you 5 bucks she gets arrested"

Needless to say, once again I escaped going to the pokey, the other people were off their nut to call the police and my wonderful powers of persuasion once again prevailed as the young officer saw it my way. Now pay the man Morgan!