I heart Payge chronicles and lets add a rancid ham too.

UGH! so anyway, I'm sitting on my back patio Thursday morning, minding my OWN business watching faith play, when Kit Kat (our cat) goes streaking by with a chipmunk..let me pause there and just say that if ever there were a time where I could go back in time this would be it. Anyway, I of course go snatch the chipmunk from the hairy jaws of death and also I snatch up Kit Kat who is now desperately tyring to retrieve her trophy, so here I am with a cat in one fist and a friggen chipmunk in the other, and faith just staring at me like I have finally lost it. I throw the cat in the house and I place the chipmunk (whom I'm sure is ever so thankful of its dramatic rescue) on the edge of the lawn next to the woods and figure it a good deed done..not so much. fast forward to me standing out in front of the house waiting for the girls to get home from school when I spy Kit Kat batting at something on the side of the house, I felt bile in my mouth I mean what does this confounded cat have now?? its always a mouse, chipmunk, birds. shrews, and even several baby bunnies. Don't worry I am taking her in to be evaluated because obviously some rif raf neighborhood cat has obviously gotten her involved in some kind of psychotic satanic ritualistic killings. So I was indeed surprised to see that it was the same darn chipmunk, I figured it must be injured and then I get the bright idea about what a wonderful way to teach the kids about nature, kindness blah..blah...blah. So I confiscate the goods once again and put it in a plastic bin with a heavy duty lid, we feed it, put all the things that chipmunks need to be happy, I realized quickly what a dreadful mistake I had made as I soon discovered the extent of this poor creatures injuries by this time the chipmunk had acquired the name of "I heart payge" for my beloved friend's daughter whom I adore. I heart payge could only run frantically in a circle, it would run and run all in a small circle until it got dizzy and fell on its side and kicked her little tiny paws, charming eh? I kept a vigil thinking I was saving this poor thing all weekend long, faithfully cleaned out her bin twice daily, put her in the empty kiddie pool to see how she was, let her wash up get exercise (albeit in a circle) and then today happened. I suddenly was sick of this stinky little rodent, I had nothing but hatred for this thing..so I lock up the cats and once again place I heart Payge by the woods and forget about it. I go put a nice ham in the crock pot and enjoy the liberation I feel to be free of a special needs rodent. The cats were kept in all day until dinner time I let them out, right about the same time I start to smell a putrid, horrible smell that rivaled a dirty diaper that faith once stuffed under the bathroom sink (for weeks) I realize that my wonderful, tatsty ham was rancid! this is what I get for trying to look out for god's creatures although I realize that's a bit of an oxymoron considering I was fixing to eat one of god's creatures. Anyway since I had nothing else besides 50 cans of tomato soup (shudder) I fed the kids cookie crisp cereal..not my finest moment but any mother who says she hasn't fed her kids cereal for dinner is a bold face LIAR! So I go to take the crock pot with the rancid ham out to the backyard, its like the groundhog day movie except with a chipmunk, so Kit Kat once again goes streaking by with the hapless rodent and once again I am forced to intervene this time because of the faces of my horrified girls in the window with cookie crisp dribbling out of their shocked little mouths. So now here I am again as I type this with I heart payge still hanging on. I have decided to do the right, and sensible thing and take it to the magnus tree farm and set it free, that way I don't have to watch it die on my lawn. And I can honestly say I will never mess with nature again...EVER!