Feelings

So in an effort to bridge the gap between my oldest daughter and I, I decided to go back to my counseling appointments. Apparently because of my troubled childhood I am not able to connect with my daughter in a very productive way, she is and has been very difficult to deal with, but that is perhaps another blog for another day. I am very apprehensive about counseling, whilst I am open to someone analyzing me, and giving me suggestions and what not. I HATE talking about the things that occurred in my childhood I guess I fail to see why any of that is pertinent I mean aren't people always saying whats in the past is in the past? If I am to be honest I guess I don't like to cry, I despise any shows of what i deem to be weakness, I hate crying in front of people and rarely do. I find re-hashing old hurts to be tedious and rather pointless. But I'm desperate to be able to connect with my daughter and I'M willing to do anything it takes, so why is this so hard? because I know deep down that confronting these issues brings to the surface something I prefer to keep deeply buried, The fact that I was supposed to be someones precious baby, someone was supposed to love me more than anything in this world and well...they didn't.